The September issue of Vogue told me a few things about Fall.
It told me that prints are the new basics, maroon is the new black, curvy is the new sexy, and quinoa is the new oatmeal.
I’m lying. Vogue totally didn’t say that. BUT, if Vogue covered breakfast foods, like they do clothes, they def would have said that. Oatmeal out; quinoa in! And calling it “porridge” gives it this very chic “working class English industrial revolution” feel. Think: orphans in Oliver Twist, BUT trendy and adorable (and not sad).
Quinoa for breakfast may seem strange. I suppose it is, a little. But when cooked in sweetened and spice-spiked milk, it goes from sort of weird to dreamy and stylish.
Uhhh…I might be a lil’ addicted to Instagram. It’s like instant blogging. It’s impulsive, nosy (hello instagram stalking!) and my current fav way to procrastinate.
I’m convinced that most of these various social networking sites were invented to give us something to do while we collectively wait in line at the post office. Let’s NOT talk to the person standing next to us…no, that’d be scary. But comment on a strangers’s picture of their cute newborn/new shoes/lunch/dessert? Meh…perfectly normal.
I like our lives now. Technology has made our lives weird and awesome. I’m into it. This post is brought to you by my Instagram addiction. I peeped a picture from Suann of a salty oatmeal cookie (from Teaism in Washington D.C.). I was intrigued. Salty Oatmeal Cookie? Ummm…I like salt. And oatmeal…and cookies.
Ladies. Gents. Children. Toddlers…it’s officially the start. The start of the holiday season.
Are you one of those prepared holiday/early shopper people? I wish I was one of you. I am not. I’m the antithesis.
I’m talking…tree finally goes up a week before Christmas. Gifts ordered two days before Christmas Eve. This, of course, leads to frantic calls to the post office. Passive aggressive conversations with Fedex. Paying a bit more in postage so holiday cards make it on time. Staying up late wrapping. STRESS!
Holiday drama. Lots of it. I think part of me likes it…deep down inside I find it super entertaining. And also, I’m busy working. I dunno. I don’t have time to commit all this time to this holiday, man.
So I wing it. Year after year.
You want to wing the holiday season and still come out successful? I have some professional procrastination tips…
I hate you I dislike you. I think it’s time for you to go away now, don’t you think? Look! I made you oatmeal cookies…think of it as a parting gift of sorts. So leave…now. You’ve caused nothing but trouble ever since you arrived and everyone is sorta tired of your face.
And to all you people that caused this, you sort of make me sick. My friends can’t seem to fund their movies, or get money for their art projects. A bunch of my favorite restaurants and boutiques have closed their doors, which in turn has lead to a whole bunch of people now working jobs they don’t like just to pay the rent (and that’s if they can even find a job) all ’cause of you. People have shed a lot of tears, families have broken up, and overall, you’ve just made life a whole lot harder for a whole lot of people. Sooo…I’m thinking you owe us something, dontcha think? I think you owe us some cookies…I mean, it’s really the least you could do. It certainly won’t make us forget, but you know, we’ll call it an olive branch. And since I’m pretty confident you can afford it, I’m demanding you put some bacon in those cookies, and I think Valhorna chocolate chips are also in order (see below for example).
So dig into your bonus-filled pockets, put on a cute, little apron and get baking. You suuure do have a lot of cookies to bake.