It’s not summer if there isn’t massive amounts of zucchini everywhere. You’re probably experiencing this too. You go to the grocery store and the zucchini is marked down so cheap that you can’t say no. And so you don’t, but then you don’t know what to do with it. One can only have grilled zucchini so many times, you know?
Also, I think it’s weird that zucchini is literally everywhere but its flower – the zucchini flower – is kinda this rare, expensive little bird that people oooo and ahhhh at. Why aren’t there more? Doesn’t each zucchini get a flower too? Is this how this works? Nature confuses me.
This salad is ribboned, which I’m obsessed with because it’s soooo pretty. And it being ribboned means you can eat the zucchini raw like it ain’t no thang. Also, I love ribbons. It’s my dream to have big organized drawers in my home full of ribbons. What I would do with them? Who cares. I love ribbons!
So, say your neighbor goes out of town and is super nice and hands you a box of fresh peaches and a big bag of avocados and asks if you’d kindly water his plants. That’s it. Just water the plants.
And for the next two weeks you do. You water them. You don’t slack or forget because you pass them to get to your front door so they’re there reminding you they need water. But then a heat wave hits and they start to take a turn for the worst.
And between you and me, these plants were in the wrong pots. Like, they needed more room to grow. So the worst thing ever happens and one of them dries up and straight up dies…on your watch! You start to feel terrible, because while you know it wasn’t your fault, they did die when you were watching them. They were alive and perky when the neighbors left, you know.
So, yeah, it’s not your fault. It was the heat. And their pots. But do you buy them a new replacement plant. Do you do that? That would be a nice neighborly thing to do, right? Or do you just skip it and ignore it and stop being so neurotic?
But fareal, do I need to buy them a new plant? Also, let’s remember that if I buy them a new plant I’m basically admitting that I killed their plant, which I didn’t. I’m a good plant-caretaker, I swear!
This pizza is delicious. Like, really delicious. I think you should make it. And then I think you should take the next logical step and eat it…just don’t go eating it and then go shopping for a bathing suit, ’cause that’s just an awful idea.
I know it’s an awful idea because that’s just what I did. From said horrific shopping experience, I have a few ideas on how to make buying “outside underwear” a little more tolerable.
Rule 1: Don’t go to a place that rhymes with Schmorever 21 and expect bathing suits to fit well. They’re $7 for a reason.
Rule 2: Get “dressed” to go shopping. By “dressed” I mean put on some makeup, brush your hair. Look, you’re gonna be super annoying and overly self-critical, so at least look your very best. It helps.
Rule 3: American Apparel swimsuits are all a lil’ slutty looking. I think that’s the point. Sadface.
Rule 4: Like seriously, don’t go trying on swimsuits after a big meal. It’s just a sucky idea. Even if you don’t look full, you feel full. Just ugh.
Rule 5: Basically, don’t go to stores to try on swimsuits. Period. Buy them on a credit card and try them on at home and returns the ones that don’t work. Lesson learned.
For some reason, though stores have been selling clothes for, like, hundreds of years, most of them still haven’t figured out flattering dressing room lighting. WHY? It really can’t be THAT difficult. I mean, they put people on the moon…and have, like, multiple times.