We all love Larry David, right? I’m just going to speak for everyone, and say yes, yes we all love Larry David. Now, have you seen his recent parking lot fiasco? He’s confused by the parking lot ticket machine, people are honking, someone has to get out of their car to assist him–the whole thing is just incredible. It made me recall my very own, real life Larry David encounter, and omg did it not disappoint. It was Curb Your Enthusaism in real life. IRL!!!
A few Christmases ago, I was on a flight from LA to Miami. I got off the ridiculously packed flight, headed down to baggage claim and waited–along with the rest of the gajillion people that were on my flight. We waited, and waited, and waited some more. We waited so long that my dad got sick of driving around in circles and finally parked the car to join me in this epically long wait. As we were all learning this horrible lesson in patience, I looked up and noticed this really tall man with bushy grey hair, a wrinkled blazer, faded jeans and a worn baseball cap standing directly in front of me. It was Larry David. And he was looking around looking really, really confused.
A small latin man approached him and told him in broken English that he was his driver. Larry nodded. The driver motioned for him to go to wait in the car. And Larry, in his famous awkward disposition, was like, “Ok, ok, well you’re gonna get my luggage then?” The driver nodded.
Larry wasn’t done. He continued, “Ok, ok, well it’s gonna be the black suitcase. But they’re all gonna be black, so you have to check the tag. It’ll be the black one. Make sure you check the tag.” The driver nodded, obviously having done this a million times. Larry left…only to return, I’m not kidding you, like a minute later. He asked, “Which one is your car? The black one? Which black one?” The driver proceeded to tell him which black car was his. Larry left. Again.
I reached for my cell, dialed Time Warner and cancelled my cable. This was a desperate measure to take my life back. Sound dramatic? Probably. But last week I called my mom to discuss Bethenny and Jason’s marriage, which sort of seems on the rocks (right?!!?). And on Sunday night I was all like, “Whoa Cythia! That orphan comment you said about Kim was craaaazy messed up. KIM, DON’T FORGIVE HER!”
I have to draw the line sometimes, you know? Being invested in TV relationships is just too much for me right now. I can’t deal. I’d rather spend my life thinking about other things…like bacon and popcorn, and cookies with brown butter in them.
Also, this means I have more money to spend on shoes. Shoes > Cable. DUH!
Maple bacon doughnuts are nothing new to my world (evidence: here and here). I lead a lucky life.
And despite me loving them, I’ve never felt the urge to make them myself. When I think of homemade doughnuts, I get sleepy. Sooooo much work. The dough making, the rolling out, cutting out, the two rises and the frying. Ugh. Too much. It’s way easier to drive downtown and pick one up.
A few days ago though, I found a happy compromise: hot oil…but NO rises. Cake doughnuts. Whoa. WHOA.
I like to think that galettes are like lazy, messy, casual pies. You only sorta have to roll them out. You only sorta have to make them look pretty. But really, the messier the better. It’s about the easy.
I can’t really think of a meal of the day where easy is most welcomed than on a cold, hazy January morning.
Let’s have pie for breakfast. But let’s leave the fruit for the summer. It’s January. So, pie…with runny eggs, lots of cheese and salty bacon.
This week mini-life lessons were just flying all around me. Wanna hear ’em?! Of course you.
1. If you go to the movies with a boy and he ends up eating ALL of your Sour Patch Kid–that you specifically wanted to buy yourself so you didn’t have to share–and you find yourself annoyed, he’s not the right dude for you. You should WANT to share your Sour Patch Kids, you know?!
2. I just watched Clueless for the bajillioninth time and just realized it came out in 1995…WHAT?! That’s SO long ago. How is it still so amazing?! How are the clothes still relevant?! How do I STILL know practically every line in that movie?!
3. I call my mom too much. The woman has been out of the country for a week and I’ve reached for my phone to text/call her, like, a million times. It makes me feel like an orphan. So now I just email incessantly. And I’ve tried to call my dad to talk…but he just presses ignore, I think.
4. Don’t get addicted to those San Pellegrino Aranciata orange soda things. I’ve bought two six-packs in the past two days and now I’m kinda poor. Don’t go poor because soda. That’s just silly. Everyone knows if you’re gonna go poor because of anything it should be because of shoes.
5. Sweet potatoes aren’t yams. But yams are sweet potatoes. WHAT?! Good gracious, USDA, do you understand how confusing you’re making me/the entire country?