Kitchen Flops!!

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This past weekend I tried to make chocolate and sea salt croissant sandwiches.

I went in with the most delicious intentions–I really did, but they didn’t work. And, I actually don’t have proof of these puff pastry things in their pre-bake stage because I failed to put the memory card in my camera.

So, yes…you heard right: I failed to put the memory card in the camera, AND the recipe ended up failing. Whatever.

Kitchen flops happen. They just do. Wanna see and hear about more of them?! Of course you do.

Let’s go down recipe failure lane together…

First up, coconut bon-bons. I poured chocolate ganache over them…and then it slid off of the ice cream. Just slid off. Like a chocolate mudslide. I dropped, like, six f-bombs. And then proceeded to eat them in their pre-chocolate stage. The crisp chocolate cookie was great. SAD!!

Bourbon Pumpkin Pie. It was delicious, actually.

The pumpkin pie filling wasn’t too eggy, had the perfect amount of bourbon flavor and was surrounded by a flaky, buttery buttermilk pie crust. BUT, after I pulled this dude out of the oven, I realized it was the most unattractive pie I’d ever seen in my life.

Deliciousness win, cuteness fail.

This bowl of brown rice krispie treats, oats, poppy seeds and chocolate were supposed to be rolled up to make Chocolate Seed Bombs. You know…kinda like the Seed Bombs you plant in your garden, only the edible version. HELLO!!! CUTE!!

They couldn’t keep their shape, though. And honestly, the idea was kind of adorable, but the flavor was pretty bleh. Bummer.

Pesto Swirl Bread…sigh…this one was super lame. The second rise didn’t happen. I might’ve had a draft coming through my apt. Or maybe expired yeast?

Whatever the case was, after I rolled this thing up, the last rise never happened. I baked it anyway, thinking maybe the oven would magically make it okay, but the bread was just awful. Dreadful tasting bread. The swirl was in the middle was pretty, though!

These cut up butternut squash sticks were going to be healthy fries. UGH! They ended up being bland and boring.

This pizza! Oh this pizza was soooo lame. Broccoli rabe and me just don’t get along. We’re not meant to co-exist. It’s not meant for us. I’m okay with this. I really am.

Let’s talk dinner successes!! And dessert sucesses!! Because I have a few that are buried in my archives that I wanna talk about.

I’m obsessed with making soups right now.

1. Acorn Squash Soup with Cheesy Croutons. Easy and comforting.

2. Spicy Vegan Chili. It’s raining and cold in Los Angeles and all I want is this with some sort of carb situation.

3. French Onion Soup. Cheese and bread. Cheese and bread. Hi!

4. Portobello Fries. Read: Holiday Party Food. Also, pretty inexpensive and easy.

5. Spinach and Artichoke Dip. Double read: Holiday Party Appetizer. No one will not like this.

1. Vanilla Ricotta Doughnuts . Pillows of heaven.

2. Toasted Marshmallow Milkshake. I know it’s winter and a milkshake is kinda weird, but I’d totally drink this next to a fireplace.

3. Café Au Lait Pudding. Pudding with a bit of coffee flavor.

4. Homemade Ding Dongs. A little labor intensive, BUT delicious and cute.

5. Salted Caramel Mousse. OMG! That’s it.

Now, tell me. Talk to me. Spill it…when and what was your last kitchen failure. Let’s talk through this!

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67 Comments

Leave a Reply

  • Reply Adele Forbes December 22, 2011 at 1:12 am

    Fabulous darling….wonderful post and site

  • Reply Gayle December 21, 2011 at 2:13 pm

    I poured cold stock into a 425 degree glass baking dish to baste a chicken. I blew the pan to smithereens. Fail.

  • Reply Dana B @ thebakingbooth December 20, 2011 at 7:48 am

    Italian Sausage Lasagne. Tasted Wonderful! or it would have if it hadn’t flown off the seat and landed upside-down on the floor of the car as I rounded the corner to bring it to the school for a staff lunch. oops 🙂

  • Reply Lady Kady December 19, 2011 at 3:15 am

    So refreshing to see a post on food disasters!! We all have them, yet we only get pretty pics and perfected recipes!
    My favourite kitchen disaster was attempting tempura for the first time. I didn’t have a temperature gauge and the oil got too hot, smoked out the tiny apartment, burnt my tempura capsicum. Boyfriend freaked out, took the boiling oil pot outside through the lounge… I asked what he was doing, he turned around oil splashed every where…burning some nice holes in the carpet. Good times!!
    Just started tuning into cozy kitchen, Loving it (also love the nail polish posts. I am also polish obsessed!!)

  • Reply Lisa @ The Cooking Bride December 16, 2011 at 4:35 pm

    The last time I made manicotti, the filling was like ricotta soup. Oh, and caramel cake and I DO NOT get along. I love caramel cake, but I have never succeeded in making one that was edible.

  • Reply jesika lin December 16, 2011 at 8:08 am

    ive had so many goddamned failures lately!! italian tuna cassarole was the worst one. sounded good… like tuna florentine. tasted terrible, looked like vomit and smelled so bad i had to take it directly to the dumpster. crab mac and cheese… HOW could that fail?? the first batch of coca cola cupcakes. the eggplant parm i made yesterday [too greasy… gonna try baking instead of frying next time]. im about to bake as we speak and i anticipate lots of mishaps and swearing… oh well, here goes nothing.

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